Finding Answers and Results with Marriage Counseling
If you are wondering whether you need marriage counseling, start by asking yourself if any of the following sounds familiar…
- “We can’t communicate”
- “Everything turns into a fight”
- “It feels like we’re just roommates”
- “We’re walking on eggshells all the time”
- “We hardly talk”
- “There’s no intimacy anymore”
- “All we do is argue”
- “We’re stuck”
- “Trust is gone”
- “We want to get on the right track”
- “We can’t seem to resolve anything”
- “Never in a million years did I think they would cheat on me”
- “Our issues are affecting the kids”
- “I don’t want a divorce”
- “I want my partner back”
If you are thinking, saying, or hearing any of those statements, you are not alone.
Despite the uniqueness of each couple’s story, their distress sounds strikingly similar. Those sentiments are some of the most common things heard by counselors when couples reach out for marriage counseling.
What also can’t be ignored is the frustration, exasperation, and desperation in their voice when they say them.
Couples feel stuck between two unimaginable fates. They don’t want to struggle one more minute with the way things currently are nor do they want to end the relationship.
Fortunately, marriage counseling provides a third option. Couples are empowered to repair and improve their relationship and become liberated in the process.
If you are considering marriage counseling, it can be helpful to understand how couples get to this point and how they can get past it with the guidance of a capable marriage counselor.
In the Beginning…
We often hold our relationships to an ideal we learn from fairytales and fortune cookies. This is a good thing, as nothing deserves to be romanticized more than relationships. However, the reality is rarely as poetic or perfect.
Every couple has their own compelling and distinctive beginning. Partners are drawn together with a magnetic energy and excitement that radiates like electricity. This powers their connection and lights the way early on. Yet, while infatuation burns hot, it inevitably blows out.
There is a certain predictability to relationships. If we do the dance long enough, we will step on some toes. We will be let down and we will let our partners down. We will miss the mark, and it will be messy. We will fight- with our partner, the circumstances, and ourselves about how to handle the first two.
Partners are like mirrors that help us to see ourselves fully. Being truly seen and heard while at our best and most vulnerable, is fulfilling beyond measure. Unless of course, we are seen leaving dishes in the sink or heard snoring all night. Having beauty and blemish alike reflected to us through the eyes of another can be both affirming and aggravating.
Parenting, work, grief, and family dynamics serve as stressors that become plot twists. Sparks of passion and possibility can singe or shut off- leaving partners in the dark. The eject button can begin to look enticing. Some see this as a sign of despair, but it is a cue for growth.
The Challenges: The 4 F’s
The relationship challenges couples face fit into at least one of four different categories. While these challenges often can’t be avoided, they can all be addressed.
- Friction– Unproductive conflict. Arguing, bickering, or fighting that is frequent, intensifying, and increasingly unresolved.
- Fracture – A sudden betrayal. Sexual affairs, emotional infidelity, or undisclosed debts or gambling losses are common culprits.
- Frost – A cold distance or disconnection. Couples slowly grow apart and begin to feel like roommates, or that they are living parallel lives just orbiting one another.
- Framing– Building skills and a framework from the ground up. This includes premarital couples being proactive as well as couples going through a life transition that want to expand their toolkit to help rise to the challenge.
Ready to Begin?
Growing Pains and Growth Spurts
Relationships are hard- never let a movie or meme convince you otherwise. The same things that scare individuals accelerate couples. Vulnerability, sacrifice, commitment, change, and difficult conversations can be terrifying. They take courage to confront with one another but are rewarding to achieve together.
Finding love is easier than sustaining it, and passion is a process not a point in time. Marriage involves real work, but it’s not just a labor of love- the labor is love. Like people, relationships must evolve to thrive. Everything has a toll- the question is whether it will be an investment or simply costly.
Fortunately, growing pains can lead to growth spurts. However, growth only occurs once you accept there’s an issue, then decide you’re no longer going to accept it. This is where couples therapy comes in.
The Benefits of Marriage Counseling
Marriage counseling provides a skilled guide to help remove barriers and build bridges through compassion and competence. When couples really struggle, they need direction and momentum to achieve the relief and results they seek. Marriage counseling is collaborative and practical in order to be both productive and sustainable.
At EPIC Counseling Solutions we believe all couples deserve the relationship they desire. When couples have gotten off track our goal is to help them change the trajectory or ARC of their relationship:
- Address the feelings and situation causing distress
- Repair functional dynamics such as communication, conflict, and trust
- Create the relationship that they truly want
Couples are empowered with a set of straightforward and concrete skills paired with invaluable experience learning to apply them in the moment. Emotions go from barriers to motivators, as couples begin to feel lighter and grow closer. The results look like this:
- Improved Communication
- Resolved Conflict
- Increased Intimacy
- Reduced Stress
- Restored Trust
- Aligned Parenting
- Alleviated Tension
- Learned Skills
- Instilled Hope
Your Marriage is Worth It
If you are considering whether your relationship is worth saving, it is important to remember why it’s worth having. The benefits of marriage are well documented and wide ranging. They include factors such as improved financial security, lower levels of depression, and longer life spans.
Marriage also holds value that is difficult to quantify or question. It presents a chance to derive something meaningful out of the most mundane, and to find small comfort amidst big challenges. A relationship is worthwhile, not just despite being difficult, but because it’s difficult.
Marriage is an opportunity to become better in order to be part of something greater. Not by sacrificing yourself, but by solidifying yourself. Couples either grow as partners or they grow apart. Marriage counseling gives couples a chance to rise to the challenge together so that they don’t have to succumb to it alone.
A Better Relationship Starts Here
If you are ready to move forward but have yet to get your partner on board- here is some guidance to help talk to them about marriage counseling.
The goal is to “T” it up for your partner by considering the three “T’s”: Timing, Tone, and Tact.
At EPIC Counseling Solutions we help couples in all stages of their relationship gain the skills and experience they need to find the relief and the results they seek.
If you have any questions about this information or want to take the first step to a better relationship – schedule your free consultation today.
We’re here for you in Camp Hill, PA, and the greater Harrisburg area.
