Love is a beautiful thing. When experienced it is both indescribable and undeniable. It is all-consuming and intoxicating. Yet, love without a landing spot amounts to little more than heavy hearts and sad songs. It is only through relationships that love finds a home and comes to life.
However, relationships don’t exist to simply celebrate love, but to build on it. For a relationship to thrive, it needs to survive. For this love is a plus, but it is not enough.
The best relationships are fortified with as much respect as romance and rely on more grit than glamor. It takes strength to survive. In the end, survival is both the foundation for and outcome of true love. Love without longevity is simply longing.
Love desires sustainability, while strength delivers it. Love can start with a wink or a wish, while strength takes will and work. How do you create the type of relationship that can withstand adversity, empower growth, and keep love alive for the long run?
There are certain things that strong couples do and don’t do. Ultimately, both love and strength come from these deliberate actions done consistently. In other words, couples rise or fall based on their habits.
The Key Habits of Strong Couples
1. Strong Couples Prioritize the “3 Re’s.”
They are Receptive, Responsive, and Repetitive. This is the foundation for relationship success. If you listen to your partner, act on what they are saying, and do it consistently- then everything else is just details.
2. Strong Couples Pay Attention.
The more aware you are of what’s going on for your partner and their well-being, the better you can address concerns and support them. If you’re not paying attention, a snowball can become an avalanche. The best couples know they either pay attention or pay the price.
3. Strong Couples Make Time For Each Other.
There is no perfect time and never enough of it. Successful couples don’t wait for the right time, they create the right time.
4. Strong Couples Have Rituals of Connection.
Life pulls people in a million directions. The strongest couples overcome this by having rituals that bring them back to each other throughout the day. It may be a kiss before heading off to work, a text at lunch, or downloading your day at dinner. It doesn’t need to be a lot all at once, it just needs to happen more than once.
5. Strong Couples Have Each Other’s Back.
Ships don’t sink from the water swirling around them, but by the water that leaks in. The same can be said for relationships. You don’t have to agree all the time, but you do need to stand by each other.
6. Strong Couples Are Curious Before Furious.
They seek to understand why their partner is doing something bothersome, before reacting in a bothered way. When in doubt, they ask.
7. Strong Couples Repair Quickly and Effectively.
There will inevitably be hiccups and hurt feelings in a marriage. Work to address them and move on before they become a grudge or lead to resentment. If partners miss the mark, they make it right.
If couples meet a challenge they can’t seem to repair on their own, they seek the help they need. Many of the couples that show up to couples counseling have great relationships and are looking to become better or are strong couples confronting a new or unforeseen issue.
8. Strong Couples Evolve.
A marriage goes through stages including growth spurts and growing pains. It needs to be nurtured and guided. However, what it needs to thrive at 2 years old is different than at 20 years old.
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What Strong Couples Don’t Do
1. Strong Couples Don’t Keep Secrets.
There is a difference between secrecy and privacy. People have a right to privacy, even in a marriage. However, hiding illicit things like sexual or financial betrayal eats away at both partners. One slowly, and one suddenly-once discovered.
2. Strong Couples Don’t Avoid.
It doesn’t matter if it is feelings, decisions, or conflict- avoidance is a losing strategy. We can deal with what we know and connect through adversity. Avoidance creates ambivalence and tension, which are relationship killers.
3. Strong Couples Don’t Fight in Front of Others.
It’s normal and healthy to disagree in a marriage. When it’s done in public, it creates ripple effects. Those ripples can turn to tidal waves. The strongest couples have a process and awareness to table disagreements for later.
4. Strong Couples Don’t Retaliate.
In relationships, when the target is range- so are you. It may feel natural or even fair to fight back. The problem is that it’s a zero-sum game. I encourage couples to embrace being the first one to flinch.
5. Strong Couples Don’t Belittle.
Successful couples learn to give feedback and even make complaints without demeaning or criticizing one another.
6. Strong Couples Don’t Fight Over Text.
If the intent is to express or create displeasure, it should never be done via text. There is no way to convey tone, make eye contact, or read body language over text. When we use texting for anything other than practical or positive messages, we lose the leverage that comes from connecting in person.
7. Strong Couples Don’t Withdraw.
They take timeouts, then reconnect. The difference is how it is communicated, and how long it takes. A timeout shouldn’t last longer than 24 hours. Enough withdraw and partners are left without a relationship.
8. Strong Couples Don’t Take Each Other For Granted.
The easiest things to lose sight of are those we’re closest to. That’s fine when it’s the TV remote, but it’s a major problem when it’s your partner.
At EPIC Counseling Solutions we help couples in all stages of their relationship gain the skills and experience they need to find the relief and the results they seek.
If you have any questions about this information or want to take the first step to a better relationship – schedule your free consultation today.
We’re here for you in Camp Hill, PA, and the greater Harrisburg area.
